I tried..any thoughts from my friends??

Wednesday, November 18, 2009 Liyana Hanim 4 Comments

I'm gonna make this short..sorta..because it's not something that I'm truly comfortable blogging about, but I think it's about time.

I've tried..I've tried opening up this little cold heart(yes,I've to admit it takes quite sometime for me to be able to become 'warmer' to others) to guys and letting them in..but it's hard.It's hard to be vulnerable,it's hard to be totally yourself without fearing that he might not like what he sees and lots of other things.Thus I find it easier being single and having no one to check up on me.I'm 22 years old and I can safely say that I have never been in a serious relationship and am not really looking forward to one.I know,that's sort of sad.

I guess,it's like what a friend of a friend said...Women like us(me & my friend) are too independent that we find it hard to depend on a guy.Very true.I have been so comfortable and used to the idea of being single and at times I find doing things out of the 'single' zone as a CHORE.I don't like messaging others on non-important things and I rarely call people..even my close friends,I know..I'm bad!!hahaha.How the heck do you expect me to be one of those truly 'rajin' & diligent girlfriend??I really really like my freedom.

Thus if I do have a boyfriend one day,I hope he would understand the fact that I love my space and freedom and does not relish the idea of being joined at the hip with him.He has to be super independent too and not be all clingy like..eww.Okay,it's like 3am & I'm totally crapping right now..Nite!!


life is a cycle. at one point, you will have to abide to those 'unspoken rules' of being in a courtship, getting married, building a family etc. those are the essence of life, as normally it revolves around one thing that everyone craves: love.

ahh love love love. it can make a sane person go crazy! it pulls you out of your skin and puts you in a mould. but all and everything that makes you you will always be there. you are who you are, whether you are in a relationship or out of it. of course we change, in accordance to the circumstances. but as long as you know you're not turning into someone else, than its fine.

and thus it brings me to the point of opening up that little door of your heart. all i can say is, the time will come. when it happens, it will open auto. there is no need to decide now. the time will come when it is right.

Li said...

yes..thanks so much izza..:)
very insightful indeed.

it's not like i have not fantasize the fact that maybe one day the right guy will come along and be able to bring out the 'manja' side of me..because despite my tough exterior I know I can love a guy with all my heart,given when the right one comes along.

though at times i think it's stupid when this heart of mine still holds something for someone who does not even want to hold it in his hands..you know what i mean..:(

yes..that's the thing. you have to understand that its all in your head. i know that most of the times the mind and the heart dont agree that much. but you can make yourself believe the things that you want to believe.

about 'the one'..i like to believe that there is no such thing. there is no Mr Right. but it has always been about the Right Time. timing is everything.

as of right now, of course you wont find anyone who would fit you because you are busy chasing experiences and doing fun stuff with friends. all the guys that approach you seemed to be "tying you" to them. when friends slowly get married one by one, you will have less hang out sessions etc. you are more "free" and then it would be the right time for relationships..get what i mean? :) that's just what i think. that time also governs love.

i wish you the best in love and life..i always have :)

Li said...

yes..mind over matter right?

yep...although we search high and low for mr.right time..he might just have pass us by but due to the fact that the timing isn't right..thus it wouldn't happen even if we want to..

yes..because all of u guys r still happily single and we get to hang out still,i don't feel the need to be in a relationship..but maybe as i get older,the urge will coeme naturally...who knows?

i wish you the best in everything too babe..:)